I have sat down and posed this question to Spirit. Some refer to this energy as God, Allah, Universe and Spirit and so many more adjectives.
I didn't grow up in the church. My mother would tell us that we believed in God. She also told us to NEVER question God or the bible. That was always confusing for me. Why could I NOT question our father, the omnipotent, the ruler and our leader? I wanted to know Why God was a man? Is God really white? How come I can't hear God's voice? When does God sleep? If there is a God - why do bad things happen to children? I did as I was told and I didn't question God. Not untilI I was well into my 20's. When the illusion of BAD things would happen, I just accepted it and new that if I stayed the course, prayed and believed with my whole being, that things would get better - then they eventually would get better. They always did get better.
As a young girl, my aunt would take us to the Kingdom Hall with her, as a little girl; however, I had conflicting ideas of that religion. Based on my limited knowledge of a "Jehovah's witness", I thought that you weren't supposed to have sex out of wedlock and I knew people who were not only having sex, but having children by various different men, who were not their husband. I believed these people to be hypocrites; therefore, I was unable to absorb the "Jehovah's witness" religion.
Later, I would come to understand that no one had the right to judge anyone, but God.
When I was a young girl, around the age of five or six years old, my father had taken me to Mississippi to introduce me to his side of the family. The sister of my grandmother stopped by the house to meet her Grand Niece. Within minutes, she would condemn me to the fires of hell for wearing red finger nail polish. What the freak! I was an innocent child, who quickly learned that who I was and the things I liked were evil and sinful and that I would be punished by our father- God. Religion was so confusing and ugly to me. The religious people seemed to act as if they were better than the secular community. Most of the religious people spoke the same language and quoted the same scriptures.
Because of my seeking spirit and a hunger for truth, I continued to seek out what I thought I was supposed; which was to join a church, get baptized and become a member of a church. I knew this would entail me buying a new wardrobe; which consisted of long skirts and over sized everything. I was not looking forward to this new prim and proper lifestyle. At the age of 22, I did just that. I walked myself through the church doors of Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church in Houston, Tx and asked to be baptized. I was all alone before a sea of Christians when I took the big plunge into the waters of baptism. I expected to feel different and I didn't. I waited a week and then a month and years, and never felt different or better. I still felt like me. I still felt like there was something missing. I felt like there was more for me to do. I still felt hungry for that happy feeling. Over the course of the next 16 years I would visit my fare share of bible study meetings, attended churches, temples, mosques and even synagogues. Not until 2010, did I find something that resonated with me. Something that made me feel happy and at peace. In 2010 - I my seeking spirit was lead to Soka Gokai Nichiren. Finally, I felt something. It felt real. There was no judgement or guilting me into giving up the little bit of money I could spare. The people were real. They were normal. A great majority of them shared the same issues, problems and dilemmas that had faced. I found family and I was at home until I learned that in order to become a Buddhist, I would have to give up God. What the Freak! Here we go. I chanted my way right out of Buddhism into who I am today; which is a spiritual being having this human experience.
I've ALWAYS had a connection and a personal relationship with and to God; however, I had trust issues and refused to listen to the word of God; as I thought my word knew me better than God.
So, when it was put in my heart and on my mind to run for the prayers of other people, I questioned myself and I mostly questioned God. I asked WHY me and really...WHY running? I'm NOT a religious subscriber and I'm definitely not a long distance runner. Two blocks in and it's a wrap for me. I am exhausted. My lungs feel as if they are about to explode. These thighs were made for sprint and short distance sprinting at that. I know only two or three scriptures and I don't know the difference between Seventh Day Adventist and a Protestant. This is my truth. I don't
What I do know is that Love feels good. When I love people, it feels like the most natural thing to do next to breathing. When that love is reciprocated, it feels like water. We're all in the flow of life and moving in the right direction. We are moving in the direction of light. I know what compassion is. I have a high level of both compassion and understanding. I know the difference between right and wrong. I have survived my childhood and know what it means to NOT give up and to NOT quit on life. I know how to build my stamina and endurance in both the realm of running and living. I know that we are ALL connected, inspite of where we're from, what religious indoctrination we subscribe to, our race, culture, gender, sexual gender preference and our socio-economic background. I also know that God hasn't tasked me with this mission to fail me. So, when spirit said Run...PRAY...Heal - I simply said Okay. I don't know the HOW God, but I trust myself and I trust you to lead me. I also know that I can't minister and be a testimony to anyone about where they're going, if I, myself, haven't been there yet.
Yahollywoodfitnessgotogurl - Fee King
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