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My WHY

FEAR - False Evidence APPEARING Real!

While preparing myself, mentally, emotionally AND physically for Run...PRAY...Heal, in the back of my mind the FEAR of what to do with my hair would creep into my subconscious, my consciousness, my dreams and in my everyday life. Have you ever worked out; let alone, ran while wearing a wig or even a weave? I would have nightmares about running and becoming overheated and ripping that wig from my head. It was terrible. There is no such thing as thoroughly washing your scalp while it's being covered by tracks or cornrows for the ease of wearing a wig on top of those cornrows. There is a lack of oxygen that gets to ones head and hair when it's constantly being covered by synthetic hair.

This is NOT every woman's story, who faces the dreaded and terrifying thought of losing her hair. This is MY story.

I was diagnosed with alopecia when I was around 22 years of age. Although my mother had very little hair and the hair that she did retain was frail and thin, from this dreaded condition, I NEVER thought going bald would happen to me. Bald only happens to those other people. I used to tag along with my mother while she got shots injected into her scalp at the dermatologists office. These shots would be followed up by a prescription of a thick, white grease with a similar consistency as that of lard. The small jar was white, with a white typed label affixed to it's face and a black top. The grease, nor the shots ever re-grew my mother's hair. She wore head scarves, wigs and other types of head covering materials to hide her half balding head from both herself and the world.  As a child, I was told my mother's hair had fallen out due to her having bad nerves. That was the extent of my knowledge or understanding of her condition. No one ever talked about alopecia or spoke about this condition being heredity, treatable, curable or incurable. It was this nasty little secret that adults didn't discuss with their children.

I didn't notice my hair thinning until age 22. I had just gotten a perm and a red celophane tint applied to my hair. I recall discussing this new found thinning on the right side of my head, with my hair stylist. She is the one who asked me if I had a history of alopecia. She said, "Fylicia - I think you might have the beginning stages of alopecia. I would spend the next 15 years somewhat in denial; because my hair would thin and then thicken up again. I wore my hair in varying styles from the Halle Berry cut, to braiding synthetic hair into my natural hair creating cornrows, weaves until eventually deciding to go natural. It's been downhill from there.

With the urging from the Love of My Life, Dec 31, 2016, I took the leap of FAITH and I Let Go and Let GOD New Year's Day - Jan 1, 2017. I allowed my boyfriend to shave the rest of the dead and dry sparse hair from my patchy scalp. It was both a relief and a tragedy all rolled up in one. How was I going to affix my natural kinky curly style wigs to my head now? I no longer had that secret to burden with any longer. I am grateful; however, that I have some hair and hair follicles; which is allowing me to play with the idea of re-growing healthy hair from my scalp. I expected my head to be baby's bottom smooth bald; yet to my surprise, there is hair stubble up there. It also helps to already be in a relationship with a man who loving encouraged this look; as he LOVES short hair and an even bald head. Regardless of my relationship status, I know that I did what I had to do in order to get to the other side of hair. I now have one less thing to cry about. I now have one less secret to hide. I now have one less thing to feel shame over. I now have one less thing to allow to hold me back from my true self. My hope is that with the anticipated re-growth of my hair, I will continue to GROW by leaps and bounds Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally and Humanly. I AM truly more than my hair! Fee King - January 7, 2017

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